kinda emo post?

ok I guess the reason of my lack of sleep, abiity to focus and time is to be linked to the computer.. I waste so much time in front of this thing that evening arrives in a moment.. and then I get depressed by the thought of having to go to work because..all my passion went away a month ago.. I don’t like this environment anymore and can’t wait to leave it.. though my parents aren’t that happy about it.. but what can I do…? it’s been a month already I’ve been thinking about it.. and I came to this conclusion.. I don’t know if it is because I’m lazy or don’t want to face the reality but.. I’d prefer 2000 more times to just study

something that can’t happen anymore because.. my parents are too used now to me working and take care of my expenses…. I’m used to that too but… really… I’m so tired of life, especially in this week.. for some reasons I’ve been really depressed though when I was with others I could just smile and laugh all the time.. it happens always like that.. I’m with others and I smile, I’m alone and I start seeing just bad things..

the thing I find the most interesting is that I hate the way I’m behaving I should grow up and just accept the fact that u have to work hard to buy your food still I keep wanting to be just a 19yo girl with the hope of a bright future.. which in the end.. happens to be nothing special.. i ‘d just love to get married and be a housewife…I’d be ok with that I guess.. or maybe I’ll just be tired of that kind of life too…